Revolutionary Theory Of Happiness

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aquarianlovechild:

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.”

—

African proverb (via cosmic-cum)

What’s got me open …. Gaiman’s American Gods in an epic tale of a man sent on an unanticipated journey into a life he never knew existed. Along the way, he meets and experiences the world beyond what is seen, glimpses the magic and conundrums of life as a supernatural being, and comes out the other side renewed, rebirthed and yet certain of some absolutes. 

I look at my journey “home”in much the same way as Gaiman’s main character Shadow views his journeys with the Supernatural being/God Wednesday. It was unplanned, unexpected and certainly undesired. Shadow endures a number of discomforts, allows Wednesday to set the tone of his life, and even submits to Wednesday’s desires at the expense of his own. 

We see Shadow transformed from a literal shadow of a man, into a being who is confident in what he surveys as his new life and how he will move about in the world.  

The notion of death and rebirth is a consistent one in our lives. My move “home” has definitely been one of dying, falling away, and rebirth. The biggest challenge has been the recognition of the things that fell away. Things that I thought would be permanent died instantly. Rebirths that I never thought possible occurred. Fears that were necessary protectors were finally able to fall away.

In a sense, American Gods served as a guidebook for what was possible,  and a confirmation for what was happening. I’ve never been a fan of science fiction or fantasy literature, but this text spoke directly to my reality, and as a result of it…I’m open.

The Illustrious B.Scott posted the following today,

There’s a difference between what we look for, what we settle for, and what we are meant for.

and it’s relevance rang so true as I had the pleasure of coffee with a young sister that i was introduced to recently.

We discussed the business at hand, and quickly moved on to lighter fare…namely, the gentlemen in our lives. 

As we spoke about what we wanted, what we had, and what we knew to be the absolute best for us, I was reminded of how much stamina, determination and focus it takes, to simply be in a state of loving with another individual.

On one level, we have our ideals…the traits, characteristics and state of being that we think we want. On another level, we have those ideals, modified for the real world…this is the space where scaled back versions of words occur…words that, in the end are meaningless…”nice” and “good” become the bar at which we set our expectations or settle. Finally, there is the answering of our hearts truest desires. The situation, person, condition and experience that was simply waiting for us to enter into it. 

The ability to differentiate among the three are really and truly the determinants of the quality of our relationships. 

In examining my truths, I realized that I wanted a partner that I truly and honestly saw as awesome, a person i would stand in awe of, and have nothing but the greatest joy and relief in sharing my life with. I realized that I was not willing to put up with the series of negotiations to overcome gaps in politics, ideals, belief systems, and insecurities. I knew that there were some features that must absolutely be constants in my life…JOY, FUN, ADVENTURE, A DEEP ABIDING, RESPECT, HONOR, AN EMOTIONALLY SAFE SPACE, A WILLINGNESS TO SEE THE WORLD, A POSITIVE ATTITUDE, AND AN ANTI-PATRIARCHAL STANDPOINT.

 Going forward, this body of traits is what I seek to surround myself with. I’m excited about life, I want someone to hold hands with and run headlong into the fray of what it has to offer with as much wonderment and adventure as we can both muster up. 

What about you tumblr fam, are you looking, settling or absolutely WHERE you were meant to be?

I was all for being happy in a graceful way

for using pithy quotes, smart pics and cute incidents

to show how wonderful life could be…

then reality walked right up and rang my doorbell

forcing all facades to the side. 

real happiness is loud, and messy 

it is tearful and hard

it is something that i needed to dive into 

without abandon

to find that it was, and is truly an answering

of the deepest desires of my heart

I’m writing this list as a healing tool. I’ve suffered the last 2 weeks from severe stress reactions in my body, and want to prevent the decline of my health to it’s most stressful state- depression. In order to remind myself of all that is good at this moment, to be in the now, to allow my panic to subside and to work towards healing, I understood that I needed to deconstruct my fear based thinking. Yes, you may end up being “all up in my business” as a result of reading this list, but you have been warned. Now, lets get happy, or at least, realistic.

1. Overall, I am healthy. My children are healthy.
2. I am still in my right mind.
3. I have, despite being unemployed for exactly one year, not had to go without food, clothing, shelter or transportation.
4. I am thankful that I have secured employment for the first six months of 2012
5. I am thankful for my family who have allowed my sons and me to move in with them.
6. I am thankful for a close friend who volunteered to help with basic car repairs/maintenance.
7. I am thankful that after years of being unemployed my children’s father is now employed and paying his child support.
8. I am thankful that I have made it this far (ABD) in my doctoral program.
9. I am thankful for people who have reached out to me to work with them on projects.
10. I am thankful that my children are in decent schools with teachers and administrators who care and value them as young men of color and expect the best from them academically.
11. I am thankful that my sons are able to participate in the extra curricular activities they enjoy.
12. I am thankful for my family’s health and strength. That we are all healthy, positive, productive people.
13. I am thankful for my parents and their support, encouragement, positive energy, solution focused perspectives.
14. I am thankful to my mom for material support, and thankful to my dad for moral support, for being a father to my sons when their own could not step up.
15. I am thankful for the two new baby nieces that graced my life this year, and the unconditional love they give and receive just by being held!!
16. I am thankful for friends who check on me, email me, FB me, call me and let me know that I am missed. 
17. I am thankful for friends who end conversations with the reminder that they love me. 
18. I am thankful for friends who remind me of the miracles I have already created and who have faith that I will create more miracles.
19. I am thankful that out of my life experiences and gifts given to me, I am able to launch my own business in 2012.
20. I am thankful for my healing, for the knowledge that all of my problems have solutions and that I have the skills, tools, and resources necessary to solve them or to get help in solving them.
21. I am thankful for my toolbox of healing…for the wisdom to rewrite affirmations and complete a gratitude list.

what’s on your gratitude list?